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My partner wants a lesbian fan but does it end our marriage?

My partner wants a lesbian fan but does it end our marriage?


For 12 years, my relationship with my partner happens to be a good one in all aspects. We love one another dearly and our sex life is very good.

But about eight months ago my spouse started to ask in a playful, non-serious means the way I would feel in regards to the notion of having an other woman join us for intercourse sessions. I was thinking she ended up being joking and responded properly.

3 months ago my partner explained she had come to realise that she ended up being bisexual. She asked once more the way I felt about an other woman joining us every so often, or if I became maybe not more comfortable with this, just how would we felt about her continuing a relationship with a lady sporadically?

She guaranteed me personally it can never ever impact the quality of our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I was unhappy about either scenario, but that she had taken me by surprise and I also needed time to give some thought to it. Briefly a short while later I informed her that i possibly could perhaps not are now living in a relationship where either my wife or myself involved in any type of intimate relationship with other people.

I’m sure that many males would probably love the concept of getting two females during sex, however it’s vital that you me personally which our sex-life continues to be ‘ours only’. During my heart personally i think that if she took another fan it could spell the end of the relationship over time.

A couple of weeks ago my partner dropped another bombshell.

She explained over since our last discussion and she felt I was being unfair that she had been thinking it. She stated the very fact she is bisexual means that no matter how much we love one another, and no matter how good our sex life is, she can never be fully fulfilled in one aspect of her life that she knows.

She states she seems in this aspect of her sexuality, and she should be allowed to explore this side of her nature that it’s only adultery if she was to sleep with another man, but the very fact that I am male means it’s impossible for me to fulfil her.

We stuck to my weapons about this matter, but she stated that she felt that she will have to end the marriage, against her wishes, because she had to at the least experience intercourse with a lady. This is where it was left by us.

Have always been i truly being unreasonable become therefore against her having a lover that is female? I can’t stay the basic concept of losing her, specially when she will not desire our relationship to get rid of. Am I being unfair to her or less than understanding never to enable the wedding to carry on if she’s got a lover that is female?


David writes:

You are in a situation that is awful and I also’m very sorry indeed to listen to about this. No, I do not think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Numerous husbands would not happen as understanding as you have been, and could have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

By the means, from previous experience, I would say it is very most likely that the wife currently has many other girl at heart. She could even have gone a way in the future to a relationship that is physical her.

This really is all extremely sad, since there’s a high possibility that it will end up in the termination of one’s marriage. The most readily useful hope will be for your needs as well as your missus to go together for counselling. Relate are widely used to working with these ‘three in a bed’ problems in addition they have actually branches in your county.

Christine adds:

We too have always been extremely sorry to know of one’s situation. It appears if you ask me that whatever you do, or whatever your spouse chooses to accomplish, your relationship is not going to be exactly like it had been.

Nonetheless, that will not suggest it offers to be terrible. Personally I think by using such love as you have actually between you, it may possibly be feasible to save lots of the wedding, though it is really not likely to be simple xhamsterlive.com.

I would personally state that Relate counselling is essential. Could I additionally declare that you contact an organization called FFLAG. This means Friends and groups of Lesbians and Gays. They must be in a position to offer some body to help you speak to – somebody who has been through what you are being forced to work through now. Their helpline numbers are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You have possessed a hell of a surprise, but while you say your lady happens to be truthful with you – in terms of we could tell. Which means you do need certainly to think about if you’re willing to work hard to truly save your wedding. If you’re to save lots of it, it’s going to need compromise on both sides.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships specialist